Tick;

The way black is black and blue is just blue

2012-02-01T18:34:00.000+08:00

And if you happen to read this

2012-01-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

I..... I don't know what I'm feeling right now, my lungs cry for air, my heart beats half-alive...

Home doesn't feel so homey no more.

I just want everyone to be good, but I know I can't help keeping myself happy by trying to please everyone.

And I'm stuck in a condition where it is so hard to let go, one does not simply leave. That one has been terribly nice and sweet, I have no idea on mind to hurt that one. I can't.

Yet, I hate to see a face smiling next to your face, despite the fact that I know it might be good for you...

Why you no say anything?

And if you happen to read this... Ping me.

2012-01-10T03:01:00.001+08:00

Sagacious Eagle's

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND NEW AGE RUMAISA

2012-01-08T22:51:00.000+08:00

So, this is the beginning of the great new days, aight? Leaving the good old days, memories, smiles, tears, bittersweet..

Last year was so unpredictable, one of the awesome year I will never be able to forget. I got my Bachelor's degree last year, I walk passed those wonderful people, I met these amazing people.

And this heart has stopped in many places.

At this day, a year ago, I never thought that I'd end up like this after a year. I've got plans, which, those plans changed in the 1st quarter of the year, and which later, have changed again in the last year's 3rd quarter.

I've been breaking upside down, I've been through the dark swamp. Been betrayed, as well as betraying others. They happened for some reasons, and for me goodbye means forever.

So, happy 1st week of 2012! And so far, this year has been perfect.

And ahnywaaayh, today is my birthday, I'm finally 21!!

I, again, I thank god

For every schweet blessings I've tasted these tremendous 21 years.

For these people, that I'll do anything to keep them here.

And for that face, one that I'm glad to see everyday, you're home.

I love you mom, you should be here today.

:')

2011-12-20T22:32:00.002+08:00

hundreds of places have passed by, faces and voices
finding places to fit, faces and voices to buss.

yet i'm still the same, i am the same..

2011-11-23T15:42:00.002+08:00

I might selfishly sailing around the world, chasing my own dreams. But that one person, is the home I'll be back to.

Dynrms, 2011

Best laid plans

2011-10-29T01:02:00.002+08:00

The future thingy is still haunting my mind, I can't stop wondering and wonderrrrrring and wonderinggggggg around and leaving my journals and papers untouched.... F that. I have to finish it all in a week.

I hate being a girl, why do we have to own this bloody imagination of a happy fairy-tale life?

And so on...

Orient Express is, and always be, on top of the things-I'm-gonna-do. I've never been to Europe, but mom said I'm surely gonna love it because she simply loves it too.

Hours of journey, in a train, might kill, I know that. My longest flight was only 7 hours, and those 7 hours already bored me to death. Ah, another long-haul was the train from Thailand to Malaysia, which took the whole day of my life!!! And I was like.. a sleeping beauty, well yeaa what else to do in that whole day of journey in a train which I only had a bunk of 75x180 cm sleeper bed?

But orient express will be different, I don't no whyyy I fall in love with it since high school despite the amount of money I have to spend on that splurggggeee luxury train, and the of course friggin long time journey. But come on, the destination is European countries, and I'm gonna bring the greatest weapon of all to fight the boredom... That loving man I'm gonna find in a matter of time, sooner or later, ha ha.

So, in a couple years (many), I'm gonna take a break, all of my off-days of the year. Leaving for Europe and board the Orient Express, with the one (which is so stupid I don't no where to find yo). And peeps, take my words, watch me.

Or at least, if I can't manage to get the fund for Venice Simplon-Orient Express, I'll board the Eastern and Oriental Express which is still about US$3000 for a Singapore-Bangkok trip $$$$$$

And... Watch me upside-down finishing this article review of "AGRICULTURAL AND FOOD ETHICS IN THE WESTERN WORLD: A CASE OF ETHICAL IMPERIALISM?". Whatttaa??! Go back to work go back to work, remember to finish your master's degree, young lady.

Been drinking too much coffee lately, so much than I thought I could. Am not a coffee junkie, but maybe soon to be one. You got me harder than cigg, coff.

Andddd for those who have nothing to do in KL this weekend, this might be good as I'm gonna be around watching films and hoping i can get something for my assignment :'''(

ECO FILM FEST 2011

http://www.ecofilmfest.my/

Ecocentric sustainability rocks!

_________________________________________________________________

Happy holiday, wish you a great time there. Don't forget to stay alive, and be good!

Me miss you :''')

Good morning, rise and shine

2011-10-28T14:05:00.003+08:00

p.s: eat your bfast, or i'll kill ya!

2011-10-27T01:50:00.002+08:00

click click, that sound sounds.. unfamiliar? well, haven't use thissss keyboard for a time being. am not writing to you for so long, this is kinda amazing!! *faint*

i just came back from singapooo, no it was not a holiday, it was a refugee!

and i'm seeing myself, my future, that it will be like this, this is what's future seems like in my brain:

am gonna find a loving man, who loves to travel, just like i do! and we're gonna.. sail the seven seas together. well, no, be realistic, we're gonna have fun in those cities, countries, continents! traveling in our pants, the camera and flip flop will be our best friend, with a bag full of sunblock, ipod and my wide-fancy-straw-hat. not forgetting my lovely pocky and skittles which i just love so much.

the future sounds so lovely isn't it?

anyway, singapore's SingTel got a triangle in that... what should i call it? operator logo?

and that's kind of cool, wooooooo!

By many

2011-10-11T13:17:00.004+08:00

Being loved..

Is about being both blessed and cursed.

_________________________________________________________________

There's a girl walking down the street with her sparkling eyes.

She has all the weapons she needs; a sweetheart look, a wizard brain, a daring mind and a decent personality that could make anyone fall.

Yet she keeps asking about what's so wrong with her, she, by all odds, knows that something must be fixed. She's like a plague, an epidemic disease that easily infect others, and brings hearts down into her conflicting world. And she's looking so far for the cure, for which, she collects souls to mend her own self.

And the girl keep going, for an address she doesn't know where.

"I'll find it by the end of the road", says her.

Now, fight!

2011-09-15T11:19:00.003+08:00

You're right. I can't feel us anymore, too.

Time has changed us.

I can't think clearly, All I can see is.. I need you but you can't be.

No one can,

Yes, you may count. Two and others you've never heard about, let's just say four.

They're around, but don't you know that all I ever do is looking for your presence inside them?

Don't say I'm not trying, don't say I'm not willing to get better

I do

I dare myself to forget you, I just can't find the way.

Am sorry I've been such a clingy, can't figure out how could I became so weak.

I still don't want to lose you.

Things will never get better, right?

2011-09-08T22:16:00.003+08:00

I don't know what's happening to us, this might be the end, yet a part of me begging for you. I said before, what if, if someday I blame myself for not giving us a try.. And now I'm wondering around, why don't we give us a try?

I'm all alone now, and I have plenty of times to think about things, many things, and you always come out in everything. Why aren't you here? Why don't you say everything is gonna be alright? I'm merely human, I'm in desperate need of someone, I need you.

I never had the chance to feel your hands, i bet your palm is twice bigger than me, mine is really really tiny. I wonder how tall you are, do I have to lift my feet to kiss you? I want to sleep in your arms, I want to breathe your smell overnight.

I don't know why, I never know and will never know. I just wish, one of us have enough guts to fight for us, I don't have enough guts, why? Cause I'm afraid you'll leave me off-handed, you.. never fight for me, you.. never say, you.. why don't you fight for me? Tell me your fears, what are you afraid of, and I'll fight it all.

I tried to reach you, but you show me a dead end. That's a no-enter-sign for me, is it? I really really wanna call you, but I don't know, I'm afraid.

I know you've been great out there, you might not even spend a second to think about me. But I've got to tell, just so you know, I said I love you and I swear I still do.

I just.. love you. I'm starting to get crazy.

And again, I don't know.

I'm barely holdin' on to you

2011-08-23T22:36:00.001+08:00

I still see your reflection inside of my eyesThat are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

Many a woman borrows a man's heart; very few could possess it.

2011-08-20T00:20:00.005+08:00

Two hours left before the midnight.

You left me null and nil, lacking any legal or binding force,

as always.

Have told you, I've been really.. really great for the time being, successfully mend what was broken. Those passing years have taught me hundreds, showed thousands faces of yours. But today is your worst, I am defenseless, the wall is breaking.

I'm not joking when I said it's getting harder to breathe, the feeling, I know this familiar feeling, the one that started it all. The toughest feeling i ever survived. When my younger soul filled with the fear of losing you, and I dare myself to hold, Je pense. But this time I don't know why I can't tell you to be here, the words come out in absence. I thought the victory is mine, thought am ready to carry the fact that we'll never walk in the same line. But yeah, this is your victory, you bring me back to the endless ocean, I don't know where I'm heading, you show me no lights.

You're a coward and the most selfish person ever so. You can't even take a bold decision, what man can be made from you? It has been ages, ages! But what more stupid than a person who, despite those freaky facts of yours, could stand and still, loving you? I know there must be something wrong with me. It has been ages, ages! And this heart still beats for the same reason, after all, it's always a part of you I've been longing for.

For the elapsed time, I think I know you, but you think I don't. So it was you all this long, who lack the cognition of me. I'm a pain in the arse, you just don't know yet.

It's all or nothing, and I mean it. Because I know my desire, to have one on my back, who'll catch me if I fall, who'll let me sleep in those arms. I once took the hit, now the ball is in your court. Please.

Je t'aime. I need a hug.

2011-08-19T12:25:00.003+08:00

I said I love you and I swear I still do

2011-08-17T16:17:00.003+08:00

Tok Jembal Beach; 2008

I am forever walking upon these shores,
Betwixt the sand and the foam,
The high tide will erase my foot-prints,
And the wind will blow away the foam.

But the sea and the shore will remain
Forever.

Sand and Foam (1926)
Kahlil Gibran

I can hide but I can't run

2011-08-09T22:16:00.003+08:00

I wake up, and my vision turns upside down. This head becoming so heavy, mommy's right, too much sleep can cause many.

I recall the dream I just had, what was that about? For which my dreams are usually far beyond reality about mermaids, vampires, secret agents and others. Indeed, this one feels so real.

I dig down my brain to find out, and it's flashing right away, so clear and real. I could remember it all.

It is about the answer, the answer I've been looking for so long. For one question that never spelled out, I'm running out of time.

It ain't about how come the wind changes direction or how come the well runs dry. Questioning a question like that will just tiring your arse out because God's creature do change, and human is His most unstable foolish creature. We're all basically a fool.
You and I.

I've found the answer before I asked the question, and I took a giant leap to get away. To take before I find another reason to give, to bail before another chain catch me. We can't fill more water into a full glass, I can't figure it out, can't. Breathe, and leave for chasing the thing. The thing I'm still looking for, I can't find you anywhere, you don't want me to find you, do you?

And I made the answer by myself, my question, self-answered.
So, it was just never me.. I know.

days of work, my new room :D

2011-08-09T19:36:00.002+08:00

credit: instagr.am

people aren't irreplaceable, there will always be the substitution. it's the moment that we miss, that can never be played back

2011-08-06T01:03:00.003+08:00

you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
see that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen....

alarmnya bunyi, Dancing Queen uda jadi alarm gue sejak bertaun2, berapa kali ganti hp, lagunya gak pernah ganti. udah jam emm.. stgah 4,

langsung gue narik hp, bum! uda ada berapa kali doi missed call ini, always been. dan gue pun mulai mengetik,

"aduh aku baru bangun, kamu dimana?"
"aku masi di kamar, mau saur ga? dibangunin susah amat"
"ehehe. ga tidur? pasti maen pes dahhhh. iya saur2 bentar pake celana"
"yauda aku tungguin di bawah ya, cepetan uda cantik kok"
"ih ga usah, ketemu di cafe aja, aku sama Nur turunnya"

dan setelah beberapa menit merem-melek, "Nur, bangun Nur imsak". abis nungguin Nur ngiket rambut kritingnya, gue turun dengan mata masi merem, dan jalan ke cafe sambil minum susu dan tentunya merem juga, dan makan dengan mata masih setengah merem. selalu deh digangguin Mul, melek woy melek, katanya. tapi selalu ada yang bikin mata gue melek, yaitu tiap Mamat tiba-tiba nongol dengan bajunya yang dangdut abis, rompi dan celana batik, silau!

abis makan, oke, dengerin orang ngobrol yang mana gue males ikutan soalnya ngantuk banget, paling ujungnya ngambil hape doi dan main Pickin Stix atau ga The Moron Test. ah, akhirnya selesai juga ngobrolnya, pergilah gue menuju kamar, dan doi hampir selalu nganterin, iya dateng ga dijemput tapi pulang dianter dong. gue jalan makin sempoyongan, ga liat jalanan, ngikutin doi aja, kalo uda miring mau nyusruk pohon pasti ditarik jadi tenang aja deh. untung ga pernah salah lantai, kalo naik sampe lantai 6 gimana? kan ga ada lantai 6, horror.

biasa lah, ritual guling2-pipis-guling2-pipis, yaah abis saur penyakitnya gitu, pipis melulu sebelum nyambung tidur. ngantuk, si doi ga bales2 gue sumpahin mati lampu biar berenti main pes deh ah. tidur, kelas pagi? bye-bye.

------------

Uno! yakkk gue menang lagi kan, emang deh kalo main Uno gue tuh paling jago. jujur kok mainnya, yaa paling ngintip2 kartu doi dikit. jam berapa? yah uda begadang semaleman tetep aja saur masi lama, gue bosen main Uno, uda main sampe guling2 sampe nungging2 sampe kayang, nonton film aja apa? yuuuk nonton setan aja biar Nur takut, sambil tidur nontonnya, ntar juga doi bangunin.

tuk tuk, biasanya si Mul dateng ngajak saur. yang paling gue inget waktu itu, ngajakin Toyib bareng, susah banget deh kaya nagih utang. trus bilang aja gini, yib ada cewe seksi banget, sini dong, nah kalo gitu pasti dia cepet datengnya. dateng deh si Toyib, tapi kasian, kena tipu, cewe seksinya itu si Mul, yang dadanya disumpel-sumpel sampe gede kaya dada cewe.

yauda ah, saur yuk, saur di atas aja apa turun ke cafe? di atas berarti nugget, tuna dan telor, di cafe emmm ayam lagi ayam lagi. ah, yang penting makan deh.

abis saur baru tidur, doi balik deh ke habitat, iya main pes lagi, mudah2an ada alarm kebakaran jadi mainnya berenti. tidur ah.

------------

well, it's always been like that, either the first or the second, that was it, during the holy month for two years. and for three years, he's always be the one who wakes me up. literally, he's not, i mostly missed his call, this brain can only wakes with Dancing Queen, have no reason why. but still, when i looked to my phone, i found him been trying to reached me.

and now the fourth year, i still found his instant message for me. bangun, sahuur, sahuur.

i asked, he said, udah kebiasaan..

god, it breaks my heart, please don't.

yet today he didn't wakes me, somehow i'm glad, please stop, i'm sorry, i don't want to hurt him.

i wrote this not that i want something, it's not that i try to come back into his life, we're so much better this way. no, this is a sorry, for which i know i haven't yet, gain the forgiveness. i am sorry.

i'll tell you what was the reason..

don't blame god for not giving the chance, he did. and here is another

2011-07-05T09:26:00.003+08:00

hey you! what? no not you, the man on your back.

egghh for god's sake, of course i mean you!

listen,

i, again and again, again, failed my strawberry vosgien. i've tried this one for millionsss and.. i still don't know what went wrong, and i, finally may have to give up on this.

you know my passion for baking don't you? you sure as hell know that, you were always there waiting in the corner of the kitchen. and i still remember the look on your face when i stared at you with my don't-you-dare-to-touch-anything eyes. you're so funny, didn't i tell you?

i miss the oranges, strawberries and kiwis you always brought for the weekends.

i miss the breakfast i usually made for you,

or when i nagged you to drive me to the groceries just because we're running out of breads, but we ended up buying tacos.

sighhhh --------

ah ya, i've signed the contract for another two years. means another years for me to prepare for my biggest fear, coming home.

which i know when i come home, i'll never leave again, i promise.

there will come the time when i get tired, for real, when i'll eventually stop and not looking for more.

and her?

you are her biggest fear, she's ridiculously afraid of you. not that you bite or you kill, but it's more like she doesn't want to take the risk of having another comma if you're gone for real. and for this reason, save the worst for the last.

i might smile a lot, but the brightest is the one you made me

2011-06-23T11:29:00.003+08:00

2011-06-22T15:59:00.003+08:00

Sometimes things are meant to be broken.

It happened just to see how long can you bend before it breaks.

I love you.

2011-06-19T07:51:00.000+08:00

Girl that brings you down, down, down

2011-06-19T07:21:00.008+08:00

Fall for anything

Don't give yourself away
Don't live your life that way
Of course he's gonna say anything you want
Then leave quicker than he came
Now you've got yourself to blame
Don't put yourself back in the fire again

It's the same damn things you're so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it's the same mistakes that I'm watching you weep
You do it over and over again

So before they bring you down

You gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything
No, you'll fall for anything, no, you'll fall for

You gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything

No, you'll fall for anything, no, you'll fall for

2011-06-16T16:58:00.003+08:00

I wonder why there's always a space for you, here.. Without RSPV.

Répondez s'il vous plaît.

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak

2011-06-05T21:53:00.000+08:00

2011-06-03T10:58:00.001+08:00

BONO

2011-06-01T16:30:00.003+08:00

I'm not afraid of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard

I'm just trying to find a decent melody a song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool but darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring the nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing

I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool to worry like you do
I know it's tough and you can never get enough of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep

I wasn't jumping

For me it was a fall it's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over, and if the day won't last, and if our way should falter along the stony pass.

It's just a moment,

This time will pass.

A woman of refinement

2011-05-30T19:49:00.002+08:00

http://etiquetteforalady.tumblr.com

2011-05-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

2011-05-24T21:43:00.002+08:00

Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you

Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars

I'll waste it all on you, I'll waste it all on you

2011-05-24T20:29:00.001+08:00

When you marry
And you look around
I'll be somewhere in that crowd
Torn up, that it isn't me

When you're older
The memories fade
But I know I'll still feel the same
For as long as I live

But if time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

FAVE DUDES

2011-05-08T19:46:00.006+08:00

2011-05-08T19:12:00.005+08:00

it was like, i met someone in the corner of the street, bearing your voice,

holding your smile and wearing your arms. then i dare every single risk for it.

my fault?

almighty Allah, please take good care of her, the one i'm gonna miss the most

2011-05-07T20:54:00.004+08:00

♥ ♥ ♥

almost the time to say

2011-05-03T10:26:00.004+08:00

tidaaaaakkkk, biii, aku kangen nantii :'(

gue baru aja ngelepas babi, one down, dan gue sadar, masa-masa ini bakal berakhir bentar lagi, in a blink of an eye. i've told you that i'm gonna miss them, and i wanna say once again that i'm gonna really really, like, really miss them.

mereka, dan gue, ketemu sebagai orang asing, yang akhirnya jadi satu keluarga dan saling melengkapi. bohong kalo ga pernah kesel dan sebel, tapi lebih bohong lagi kalo gue bilang gue ga sayang mereka. ga tau mereka ini sahabat, kakak, adek atau apa, mungkin sebelumnya ga terlalu terasa, tapi begitu mau pisah semuanya jadi jelas. jelas kalo gue, iya dan pasti, bakalan kangen banget.

iya iya, mereka dan gue bakal ketemu lagi, pasti. tapi ga dalam kondisi yang sama, ga dalam posisi dan perasaan yang sama lagi. people say things will stay the same, nope, it's a big lie. people change, we face things, we grow.

dalam hitungan hari gue ga nginjek tempat ini lagi, dan gue salah waktu gue pikir kalo gue ga akan kangen sama tempat ini. bisa dibilang, dan kalo dipikir-pikir, tempat ini ga ada bagusnya, ini jauh banget dari semua yang biasa ada yang biasa gue punya yang biasa gue nikmatin dalam kehidupan normal, eh jadi idup disini ga normal ya?

but i've lived through so much in here. kamar yang biasa gue tidurin, makanan yang biasa gue makan, jalanan yang biasa gue laluin, semuanya,

dan iya,

lagi-lagi mereka.

don't walk behind me, i may not lead. don't walk in front of me, i may not follow. just walk beside me and be my friend.

ya Allah, kuatkanlah kami, berikan jalan yang terbaik untuk kami dan orang-orang yang kami sayangi. kami berjumpa dengan izin-Mu, dan pisahkanlah kami dengan rahmat-Mu.

so long, see you, the future waits.

AS YOU SAID SO

2011-04-18T12:48:00.003+08:00

this is going to be my last 3 weeks here,

after 3 years, finally, WOHOOOOOOOOOOO!

will i miss this place?

i hate the place, really, this isn't a place worth living for.

but i'm surely gonna miss the people, of course.

i know, i know, i'm not good in saying hello, and much worse in saying goodbye,

then i better say nothing, do i?

anyhow, i have to tell you a thing

i'm gonna miss you so much.

we had such a great time, aren't we?

i just don't know what's happening.

at first i thought time will bring us back, or

maybe time will show us the way, or

time will change the way my brain thinks and my heart feels, or

will change the way you used to be, or

anything,

but we see nothing.

no, you see only things that threatening you,

you refuse to find out whats going on between us.

it ain't about him,

it is you, and i, standing at the edge of the bridge,

no movement, spell nothing,

waiting for the wave to sweep us away.

and i'm afraid, i've told you zillion times that i'm so 'fraid

you just never listen.

did you know how much it hurts last time i told you goodbye?

that my bones start freezing and my eyes get numb.

and now it seems funny that after those times we said goodbye, which hurt me like freakin arse, now i know that this is the last time. isn't it?

we're both tired,

i am far more tired.

is sorry enough?

i'm sorry for making you crazy with those things i did

i'm sorry for not thanking you enough after everything you did for me

i'm sorry for being,

me.

and i need to throw everything away, please, and get back to my books, please, freakin exams.

life is a choice.

__________

love, Dyn

Bonne nuit, chéri

2011-04-16T02:39:00.001+08:00

2011-04-14T02:24:00.000+08:00

2011-04-08T01:35:00.002+08:00

ca va?

tu me manques.

you should have known that

________________________________________________________

i wanna tell you, like, nah, too much to be told.

lot of things 've been bothering me lately, tell me what to do, would you?

you know the girl listen to no one else but you.

you said don't come to the fire, you want no burns in my hand. i didn't, but i flick the lighter. the fire's warm, like the smell of your hot mocha, i just don't know when does the fire start to burn.

afford me an hour, i'll tell you the reason,

everything happens for one.

find me one.

Damien is perfect, the song is, the music is, I could just marry him

2011-04-04T12:29:00.003+08:00

...So close that I can't see what's going on

If I was a simple man

2011-04-04T12:21:00.002+08:00

But sometimes love just is not enough, so please forgive me for when I sing this song

2011-03-31T02:30:00.002+08:00

i play paper and fineliner

2011-03-30T15:11:00.001+08:00

well, nature can be so much fun

2011-03-23T15:57:00.003+08:00

and dangerous, i almost killed myself back there lol

ps: i'm going to have my viva voce next weeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1912

2011-03-06T13:05:00.001+08:00

Maneater

2011-02-28T20:08:00.001+08:00

UMT International Gala Night '11

Tampan

2011-02-28T17:57:00.000+08:00

senjaituberwarnaabu.blogspot.com

And they shine like diamonds on the morning dew

2011-02-18T23:39:00.004+08:00

maison,

i've been finally home for, like, 2 months and 4 days.

i actually don't want to be here. if it ain't for mom i will never be here, in this corner of the library -your favourite spot, writing a letter that will never be read, a letter for you know who.

the sweet-scented lady in the front desk wasn't here anylonger, surprised? she passed away 8 months ago, heart attack. i still remember her smile when she saw us coming, when she told us that we echoed her memory of her good old days, about how lovevy we were, thank god for those moments.

god bless her. you meet her up there, don't you?

________________________________________________________

did i tell you that the home's haunted without you? it seems awkward, every single corner of the city reminds me of you, every drops of the evening rain put my tears right into you.

it is a big mistake for coming back home, i miss you a lot even more, love.

________________________________________________________

ah yeaa i almost forget, 3 days ago i just visited your place, and it was fuckin hard to step into that place, the smell of yours and the brew wrapped in the furnitures, my heart stopping dead.

i had a sleepover there, in your room, in your bed, but only this time without you hugging me. your mom keep everything in place just the same like your last time, she misses you, always. the room still the same, with my photo in the night table, which you know i hate it soooo much, i'm waay too ugly in there you jerk.

your dark room also stays without change, the photos hanging there for years, i took one, blew the dust away from the face of yours, the face i'm dying to see.

i took back my toothbrush, the pink one you bought for me, do you remember that time? i got mad at you because of that pink thing, i love yellow, not pink, and you bought me a pink one, i want yellow, please.

and i'm coming back to your place this morning, this is the time where we should burry it, i think,

________________________________________________________

well, now it's 4 o'clock, the library gonna close soon, i gotta go.

he's waiting outside, you know him.

my train to paris is at 10.

i'm leaving home, again.

leaving the smell of yours. ily.

________________________________________________________

adieu.

A big diamond ring

2011-02-16T14:10:00.002+08:00

I know that we're takin' chances, you told me life was a risk

2011-02-16T13:44:00.000+08:00

hey commas

2011-02-15T00:18:00.003+08:00

this girl cut her hair short, again, wohooooo

shorter than ever been!

life and the college? been pretty good, not kicking my ass too hard.

10 days ago i was in jakarta, oops bogor actually. short vist, met not many, even without my girls. i met him and her and him, a couple of my bests.

it ain't about quantity, it is about quality, and they're qualified, first class.

i was there because my grandma isn't doing good with her body, i don't know why, age?

and yesterday mom just left this country to keep her company again.

dear Allah, are you going to take her in the time being? i don't want you to do that,

no, please, don't.

she's my ibu (indonesian word for mother). i'm the first grandchild in my family, imagine how they pampered me in my childhood.

i spent 17 years of mine around her, i want her to be around me 17 years onward.

too much, isn't it? okay i know, not that many, not 17 years, but i want her to be around, still.

i want everyone to be around, i don't know how to face the time at which a life ends, yea i know everyone don't know either. but, can i survive? being left behind by those people i love most, two of them might not be mine anymore, but they're around, and breathing,

as i know.

i wonder why my life has (almost) always been great, not happy at all-time, the drama does happen, but this is great, that's the spicery.

is the time of sorrow waiting in advance?

does my wheel of life going to cycling downside?

i hope not.

i pray.

actually, i'm here to say sorries, to a couple peeps. i might be fun but i'm no angel, i'm not that worth it, i'm not like the way you imagine i am.

i lied, sometimes, a lot maybe.

i desperately wanna tell you every single things, but i just don't know how, i like the way it used to be, don't you like it too?

but i promise you guys i'll do my best to keep everything clear, i failed once, i won't do the same again. move slowly, no pressure, and you'll get the best.

and i know a person who, emm, errgh, worse than me, the person's too weak, the person's just like a parasite. the person live with absorbing other's live, a dumb one of course. the person tried each of my way, but the person can never walk my way, the person's not like me, i am no others, i'm too hard to be copied. the person tried too hard, too, i pity the person.

ps. this is not about you ;)

2011-01-08T14:26:00.002+08:00

I'm 20,

and I thank Allah for every strands of me, for the wondrous years I've been living in.

and I pray Allah not to take back His blessing, all the love I'm having now.

I love you.

Real closeness do not come when you're together but when you're far apart

2011-01-04T20:47:00.007+08:00

I love this place
But it's haunted without you
My tired heart
Is beating so slow

Our hearts sing less than
We wanted, we wanted
Our hearts sing 'cause
We do not know, we do not know

To light the night, to help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said, I always know

You can catch me
Don't you run, don't you run
If you live another day
In this happy little house
The fire's here to stay

To light the night, to help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said, I always know

Please don't make a fuss, it won't go away
The wonder of it all
The wonder that I made
I am here to stay

I am here to stay
Stay

Little House - Amanda Seyfried

BELOVED

2011-01-04T15:35:00.005+08:00

why the sky is blue

2011-01-03T00:36:00.001+08:00

when it comes to another beginning, count what's been missing

2011-01-01T09:39:00.003+08:00

bonjour, common cava?

________________________________________________________

i haven't heard about you lately, or actually, i haven't heard about you from yourself, lately.

i know you're doing good, i heard from god that you're doing good, and i hope so. mine too, my life has been pretty good, in other word, steady, a kind of life i always wanted before -i thought i wanted.

but as a human, i miss the unsteadiness, the way my life being magically up and down, the feeling that i want to cry my ass out. but in the end i'd laugh at myself, we're laughing out loud, too loud so i'd fall asleep with the voice inside my ears, a smile along my lips, and a dream about the princess and her fairytales, and frogs.

it's funny to realize that looking back at the tears would make us laugh, but looking back at the laughs would just shake the heart off.

________________________________________________________

couple last weeks have been very sleepy. i wish you were here, the city's all white! no kidding, but the rarely-come-snow is here, and it's wondrous, i know you'd like it.

the bad news is i still couldn't fix my heater.

i know i know.. you've told me gazillion times to check it every year, but come on, it merely has been years, i couldn't remember every words you leave for me. but i'll never ever forget the way you always misspelled that word in french, but no matter what, you kept saying it, and well.. yeah you meant it.

why didn't you leave some more letters?

________________________________________________________

i miss mom, each time we dropped the phone i feel like -shit why i have to be this far.

but the fact that you never called made me want to run away farther. okay i know i never called you either, i should have, i remember each digit of your phone number, but i don't know why, maybe because heaven have no phone, uh?

it's funny to remember the old times.

when i was like.. rushing crazily to reach my phone when you called, and how i put my tone on maximum volume so that i won't miss each call of yours, or when you call me in the first beam of the day just to yell it to me.

i miss daddy as well, i always have..

________________________________________________________

if only you both never had to leave

if only you both could stay

________________________________________________________

this place might be the only place that loves me, but you are the one who taught me love

i'm sorry,

and at the time when it has come to an end, we will be.

________________________________________________________

happy new year,

i bet the heaven's fireworks must be dazing.

________________________________________________________

adieu

2010-12-30T02:18:00.002+08:00

THE BUTTERFLY IN MY TUMMY

THE WARM COCKLES IN MY HEART

THE STOP DEAD IN MY BRAIN

THE PAIN IN MY ARSE

THE COLD WINTER IN MY BONE

love is a double fool, why'd we?

AND HOW I FAILED TO CLIMB THE GREAT WALL

2010-12-29T15:28:00.008+08:00

IMMMMMMMMM TOTALLLLLYYYYYYYY GOOOINGG TO GETTT THIISSSSSSS

2010-12-10T01:43:00.002+08:00

me miss you

2010-12-09T18:50:00.002+08:00

this one surely great, my cookie crumb cheesecake!

2010-12-06T16:46:00.003+08:00

email me for the recipe :p

SCOTT ROCKS

2010-11-23T15:14:00.000+08:00

The Jewel of Kedah, Langkawi

2010-11-19T22:03:00.003+08:00

2010-11-19T20:08:00.000+08:00

I just want to see you

When you're all alone

I just want to catch you if I can

I just want to be there

When the morning light explodes

On your face it radiates

I can't escape

I love you 'till the end

2010-11-06T15:44:00.002+08:00

these pics ain't in grayscale, it's blanketed with hot volcanic ash

#PrayforIndonesia

THIS IS A LATE ONE, CRACKING LATE

2010-10-24T12:02:00.019+08:00

weeks were quite hectic before.

i didn't write, here, literally, but i wrote in another place, in my thesis, :((

i was busy with classes; assignments; exams; oh yeaa i know that's how a college life should be, but i was also packed with my final year project, i took the samples from the field, i ran the experiment every three days (day in here means a whole day, a whole). and there was some trouble with my ex-ex-boyfriend, he was once my boyfriend, and he became my ex-boyfriend, where at the time i was exceedingly hate him, and later he went as my ex-exboyfriend. i know we were foolish, 19 years still not enough for us to reach maturity.

all those things, they drained my energy, i lose weight, i didn't feel my stomach could accept food for days, i drank but i didn't eat, i took a nap but i didn't sleep, i felt that my head is as heavy as an elephant, and everything was going black each time i rose from my bed. i even had a dream, a bad one, i died, but thanks god for that dream, i was afraid that i'm really gonna die so i pushed myself to eat, i went to clinic and the doctor said i'm stupid, oh.

these are my babies, which, killing me softly

aaanyway, i haven't tell that my friends and i, once again, attended 1 world culture in nilai university college just like last year. but this time i wasn't there to sing, and i can't sing, and last year was an error when i had to stand in the stage, singing.

this year i dance (my other friends still sing), wohoo, do you know that i was a cheerleader? i was excited at first, but when the trainer teached and showed the costume, i was gumming like, shit this is useless. i looked stupid in that costume and the dance was like, a superb-boring-old-man-stuff, it should be a traditonal thai dance but it went very 'traditional'. i can do much more better than this dance. and we did wear a stupid modified malay costume instead of traditional thailand costume, in indonesian i can say "setan!! gue keliatan kampungan abis".

where, the other performers were, seriously, stunning, very, in a good way, and i was like oh my god i don't wanna perform this i don't wanna go up to the stage, not because i'm nervous or so ever, i have befriended thing named stage, but because what i'm going to performed was a dust, compared to others,
a junk.

it's me and icha, and we can't stop complaining about this -,-

and yet we got new fellow folks to share the greatness of umt (3 others out of the picture), they're bosnian, moje ime je dian! they are huge and tall (thanks budha i wore high heels on that day full of photosessions) and they are bule gila and they don't eat nasi ayam.

still, there are other belated things i wanna tell

a month ago, emmm around a month ago, my guys and i had a trip, and the road was ours \m/

we went to malacca, which is said to be one of the historical site of UNESCO, which we found to be very highly showered by sunlight. i was my third time there, and second for most of my guys. actually the place didn't seems to be majorly amusing, we didn't find a lot of things, but i tell you a thing, bring some good friends and be ready for a lotta good times!

there's a viewing tower which seemed interesting, but it cost rm20 per head, and we wished we were 5 bodies with only one head, i mean, we refused to spend 20bucks on it lol.

i had my lunch with rice and chicken lemon, and it tasted like orange juice and it looked like this (i mean that yellow), eww, then i ended up eating my boyfriend's chicken kungpao.

anyway we spent 40% of our time on the town looking for Alliance bank, haha, guess what? a friend of mine (yudha, they owner of that grey shirt, which, he wore for several days) had to, compulsory, on that day, to pay for his american visa. and we rushed like a baby chicken looking for Alliance bank, it was already 3-some pm and the bank will be closed soon, then we found the bank, and what? it was closed, but it was still office hour, how come? okay, we just be fully aware that it was sunday,

sundaaaaaaaaaay,

sunday is a holiday dude! i think we've been live in terengganu for too long til we almost lot our modernity, sunday is not a holiday in terengganu, and it sticks in our mind -,-

but lucky yudha he's still going to the states, and he's just got back from L.A! california girl blablablabla bikinis on top... and i hate him fot not bringing me some good stuff, huh.

later we headed to our hotel, we stayed in Afamosa resort, a nice 3-bedrooms villa with a private pool, and if you know how much we spent for the villa i bet you'll lost your jaw. a tips from me: don't hesitate to visit a travel fair, and MATTA fair is a good one.

and i'm two weeks away from my final exam, and couple months away from my graduation.

2010-10-06T17:15:00.005+08:00

You may say that I'm X. You may think that I'm Y. You may judge that I'm Z.

But for you to remember, there are 23 other more letters than X, Y and Z

proven, gazillions

2010-10-04T13:29:00.002+08:00

and i really need master yoda to saves me from hades, may the force be with me

2010-10-04T13:23:00.002+08:00

at a time people need to be listened.
some other times all they need is to just listen when they don't feel like talking.
or maybe not to listen at all, merely a silence with a hand to hold is enough, or with a shoulder to lie down is good, and with a hug is heaven,
cause you just don't know when sometimes it hurts so much i can't breathe.

because every single creature has its own language, and i have mine, which, others will never, ever be able to decode.

a blind writer and a lover

WE ARE DEMONS

2010-09-16T13:00:00.005+08:00

LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR THOSE ARE FRICKIN LIARS I AM

I'M TIRED, I WANT US, THE OLD ONE, DARN!

SING ME

All's well that ends well

2010-09-14T13:44:00.002+08:00

Love has no uttermost, as the stars have no number and the sea no rest

Thank you,

The 'L' word

WE ARE WE LOVE

2010-09-11T23:04:00.004+08:00

EID MUBARAK 1341H

2010-09-09T20:21:00.004+08:00

Happiness keep you sweet

Trials keep you strong

Sorrows keep you human

Failures keep you humble

Success keep you glowing

But only god keeps you going

Minal aidin walfaidzin, mohon maaf lahir dan batin

Rumaisa

an guish

2010-08-31T23:47:00.002+08:00

when it comes to something, valuable

she wants people to guess, she wants others to realize,

she's not a kind who come and says, 'hey you bloody goof, don't you blabla what you have done blabla that you have blabla'

she'll just sit, or leaves, and says, 'i'm sick of you', with no reason

she wants the other people to see, and if the person cannot see it, well, she may say the person is a jughead, and in fact the person really is.

but i'll tell you a thing, she might be no good in brief, but in the sweet by and by you'll be aware that she is half an angel. hey you, yeah you, you know her, she is, isn't she?

then, where the heck are we heading?

and i might tell someone a thing

2010-08-19T21:32:00.001+08:00

if we make each other happy then we just can't lose

you did melt my heart to stone

2010-08-18T11:29:00.003+08:00

2010-08-18T11:13:00.003+08:00

TA-DAAA!

this is my path for graduation, uh-huh this is a part of my slide presentation for the final year project's proposal, and i've gratefully done my presentation last week, fyuoh! some of my friends cried, too much pressure they said, wtf, those lecturers won't kill you, they just questioned. come on, if they pushed you, push em back! and one of the monster says, "don't you start talking before i finished my words", gah prof, i keep talking so that you'd stop asking me some hokum-pikum questions!

to date, Hibiscus sabdariffa is my best friend, grow well kitty, mama waits for you to bloom, then cut you, smash you, crush you and squeeze you, lol

well, i hope i could nicely finished my thesis, i need to graduate, i need to go back. it'll be less than 365 days, it won't be that far anylonger, will it?

anw, happy ramadhan!

dear Allah, it is so hot here :(

many shades of black

2010-08-07T10:44:00.002+08:00

2010-08-04T10:59:00.004+08:00

and the girl mumbles, "we wouldn't last, our ship is sinking, but i'll still be alive, because i didn't bring my soul in this cruise. lucky me, i'm an evil, but you're no different"

Fine liner, paper and I are best friends;

2010-07-21T10:46:00.010+08:00

because they keep you alive inside,

i write you

NO I'M SID, I AM SID

2010-07-10T08:43:00.003+08:00

2010-07-08T22:43:00.006+08:00

Maggie Moo's at 313@Somerset

definitely kills B-R31

so Sg is where I spent my last days of holiday

and I'm going back to the beach this Saturday

and I hate it, in spades

cause it may be precious for someone else

2010-07-04T08:34:00.003+08:00

if a book ain't interesting anymore for you to read, don't pretend you want to read it

2010-06-30T18:12:00.001+08:00

Meet me on the Equinox

Meet me on your best behavior

Meet me at your worst

For there will be no stone unturned

Or bubble left to burst

Meet me half way
When the sun is perched at it's highest peek
In the middle of the day

Or leastwise were

2010-06-29T10:20:00.008+08:00

Perfect Two - Auburn

URBANSCAPES 2010

2010-06-27T11:40:00.003+08:00

http://www.urbanscapes.com.my/

it was great and those white tents sold hundred of hard-to-resist items from head to toe to stomach! and the electric tea party was a personal fav that night, watch this

Electric Tea 1.0 (Peace Games) from Ion on Vimeo.

สวัสดี

2010-06-26T22:32:00.008+08:00

sawat-dee! we're in thailand! we go to the beach and get some beautiful clamshells, we ride tuk-tuk around town, we follow mommy in her thai silk hunt, we see a hugeee budha who sleeps all day, we meet the elephant and a lot of scary ladyboys, we eat seafoods and dim sum and salapao and cherries and tom yum woooo we really love tom yum pla but we hate pandan chicken and many more and we eat a looooooot!

and those were a couple days ago

anyway, the frog resembles my lil bro, you ugly little boy pwwwwwwwwt >:P

la-gon!

No, no matter where you go I won't be very far, No, not when it comes to you and me

2010-06-20T15:50:00.007+08:00

She was mine
Cathy Nguyen featuring Melissa Polinar & RusoulAs you know -or only for some people- Imma big fan of YouTube singers especially the Asian-american like Cathy and she rocks, as always!

And here's another from lilcdawg's channel, and this dude is VICTOR KIM and I was like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ♥♥♥ Seems like Gabe got his rival -not in real or YouTube life, but in my heart lolSo this guy is really truly in truth amazing, he plays ukulele he sings he dances. It would be so cute if Vic and Cathy were a couple, so I'll take Gabe with me!! Yeaaah Gabe still have my heart (y)

Anyway, its kinda funny to see Victor's face, cause haha yeaa you!

2010-06-19T11:07:00.004+08:00

if there's only one left,

we ain't going to be strangers

2010-06-18T22:07:00.002+08:00

stop sending me e-mails, i'm tired of waiting the one

2010-06-18T20:58:00.005+08:00

WHY DO PPLE HAVE TO BE SO DUMB

TO REALIZE

OR EITHER

I SHOULD HAVE WON AN OSCAR

2010-06-13T20:14:00.004+08:00

so, this is the last week of Hevea!

Nevertheless

2010-06-13T20:11:00.007+08:00

these other peoples are nothing

those happy endings are our-s

This is a story about,

2010-06-06T21:22:00.003+08:00

I'm a lovebird, a paraketus romanticus.

2010-05-29T10:10:00.003+08:00

& for the one who've sent me an e-mail on may 27th,

nah, this is the answer ;p

2010-05-29T10:06:00.003+08:00

I can beat Xena; well.. almost

2010-05-27T21:34:00.004+08:00

kinda loving this job! aye aye! just came home from kota tinggi research station, which is, utterly, forest. me bringing home some pimples, scars, damned fever and of course tanned skin. but i do love it, it's a sort of things which i always said that i detest it, but frankly, oh god, i will still, keep doing it.

i may lose lotta energy, body fluid and make-up (which i put -in a stupid manner- despite the fact that i already knew we're heading to a hobo camp, -lol), but i could feel my feet, their each steps keep walking inexhaustibly, with passion indeed. and i like it!

i could feel the forest calling my name, oh okay this one isn't real, i'm making it ;p

poor little chuck taylor, mine, again -in a stupid manner, worn half a 24hours wildly for 3 days. believe me, the actual condition is much moreeee worse than this, ew

anw, me also brought some nice things from there; a lacy dress, a big bow hairpin, a wonderful drawer box made from paper, some dvds and a couple of plush toys. i'm still a missy from venus who enjoy some shopping time! love, lol

♥ ♥

2010-05-23T23:00:00.010+08:00

eww i'm not that good in flipping those pancakes, but mine still taste yum yum yum!!

anw the one that looks like Godzilla, that's my lil bro -,-

another weekend - Beard Papa's, Domino's, Starbucks, Sisters Crispy Popia, Coffe Bean, Cheesecake, and idk-the-name-of-this-thing - i eat a lot, didn't i?

i found it in a japanese store that sells plenttttyyy of foods from the land of the rising sun, milky vanilla ice cream covered with chocolate and emmmh is it waffle? and i just can't resist it!! our new fav, me likey ♥

but this is the most terrific one! The Body Shop sale up to 70%, wooohoooooooooooooo!!!! my total saving from the sale was more than RM 150, of course as a Body Shop loyal customer me likey likey. if only they put the sale on Vanilla range, too, which is like my signature, huff. those things i've just bought were kinda unfamiliar for me, haven't try it before -except the mandarin orchid, i have the body mist and i don't really like it but since the grreeat bargain, why not? ♥ ♥

but still, i'm hoping they'll re-produce the Rich Plum special edition next season, because this girl surely fall into it. eBay?

p.s. i'll be off to johor tomorrow, outstatiooon for a week! gotta meet mr rubber and mrs latex

Back rubs, Good love, My stuff

2010-05-18T23:00:00.005+08:00

THE BEST YOU NEVER HAD - LEONA LEWIS